Things to do in WoW while getting it on

It’s surprising how often I hear a guy wistfully express how sex (or even just a blowjob) while he’s playing WoW would be amazing, but (oh so startlingly), his girlfriend just won’t comply. Less often, but still out there, are the stories from guys boasting about how they have fulfilled this nerd fantasy. The common thread of WoW + sex = epic win, and the recent mention of it on an episode of Diggnation got me thinking.

It’s all fine and dandy if just one of you plays WoW. But what happens if you’re dating a girl like me, who would insist on gaming during the act? One person playing a video game while the other pays attention and does all the work is easy. Two people playing a video game and attempting to coordinate something naughty IRL could get a little more complicated. It got me thinking, and thus I present my useful list of WoW activities you can attempt while getting it on.

  1. Guard a node in a battleground
    Sure it might be a little weird to yell out “Oh god, help blacksmith!!” or “Your mage tower is so big!” but basically guarding a node takes minimal concentration and still fulfills an important role in the battleground.
  2. Gather/farm
    It doesn’t take much attention to turn on mineral or herb tracking, ride around and gather some goods to sell. Ride around a zone looking for those little yellow dots of profit and pat yourself on the back: you just made “money” for sex. It may take a little more skill to farm primals or skin, but if you’re a hunter the good ol’ /petattack, /autoshot should leave you ample time to focus on naughty business.
  3. Spam trade chat
    You, sir (or m’lady), are living the WoW geek’s dream. Sex and WoW? Hell yeah! You owe it to the population of your faction’s major cities to give them a blow by blow description of what you’re up to. Just be sure to substitute any truly naughty words with either “murloc” or “Chuck Norris” to avoid a ban.
  4. Air ganking
    Not a move for amateurs. But if you feel you’re up to it, grab your light feathers or parachute cloak, get your instant attacks ready, and look for a mounted member of the opposite faction to kill in the air.

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